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Monthly Archives: June 2012

Unbecoming

To become such a pathetic
Apathetic
Unsympathetic
Man
I had to crawl hand over hand
through a godforsaken land
Looking up into angels eye’s
only to have them turn aside disbelieving my lies
Angels meant for so much more
than a man shallow and empty
to the very core
So I crawled onward through the haze
getting lost more than once in the devil’s maze
Dying a little more inside with each passing day
ending up the insecure little child locked in a man
I am today
So I keep myself well guarded within these walls of emotional stone
That over the many passing seasons have grown
To such enormous heights I fear
That the only face I shall ever grow to truly trust
shall be the one in the mirror
But thus is the man I have become
Longing for death when some
Long for life, love, and everything in between
Can someone please explain what this fucking means
Why am I so ready to write life off
Why do I hope for cancer with every little cough
Why am I so hateful and uncaring
Why when everything I could ever want is staring
me directly in the face
Why would I rather be lost in space
than here with you
in your arms tonight
Oh I remember
that’s Right
Your not here
your merely a dream
and now that I’m waking your all that you seem
A fallacy
A fake truth
A lie
Something not all the money in the world could buy
And now as I lay here broken
Shattered
All I can think of is the angel who looked away and left me tattered
I’m whats left of a picture less broken frame
Never truly knowing anything
not even my Name
I’m a tattered tapestry
But something more I’m sure
meant to be
But you tore that all away from me
The day you turned your angel eyes from me and left me alone
Heart dead
cold as stone
Eternally grateful to you
My Dark Angel
 for showing me
To never hope for anything
From anybody
Jake Sellers o7
 
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Posted by on June 15, 2012 in Poems

 

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A Timid Tale

The smoke flows into my lungs smoothly
I exhale and see the beautiful cloud flow from me
Its bitter and yet so so sweet
I awake shaking to a sweat stained sheet
Just another dream
In the mirror try to convince myself I’m not what I seem
A broken man stares back unconvinced of my lies
Staring all I see is a hollow inside of those eyes
Darkness seems to reach out to grab a hold
Shivering again despite the heat and lack of cold
The waves are crashing down again in the back of my mind
Threatening to truly drown me this time
Heart beat speeding
So hard to just keep breathing
Stars appear in my vision
And no one is here to listen
To the inevitable shattering of glass
Of the mirror hitting the floor the peace can’t last
The monster always returns awake and stronger
I scream to the heavens I can’t take this any longer
I can’t keep returning here
I’m beat down and living in fear
All I ask is a moment of calm
All I want is a longer goddamn line in my palm
I want to sleep without dreaming
I want to dream without screaming
I want peace and a moment of happiness
I want someone to come and end this darkness
Please God help me
Or return me to heaven unto thee
I lie here inside my head
Wishing and praying I were dead
Wishing I had never heard a word you said
About things such as love
About God and such being up above
About me just needing a little shove
In the right way
To get me to stay
Just give me peace at the end of the day
Rebuild the walls
Repaint the halls
Learned once again to breathe but never feel
Learned that dreams were never real
Closed off to the world
And every fake plastic girl
No one will ever break through
There’s nothing left inside anyway for you
I had to kill myself to live again
Didn’t care one iota that it was a sin
Walked around with head held high
Learned to shake hands smile and lie
Broke every caring bone in my soul
Found music played out and dull
Found food tasteless and people doubly so
Still continued to smile and put on a show
Still uncaring still unfeeling
Slowly tearing off and peeling
The husk of my old self off my body and onto the ground
The beating of my heart became my only comforting sound
If I breathed maybe someday I could live
Maybe if I had blood there was something left to give
But broke down and bleeding
I began to worry soon I will stop breathing
I lie here inside my head
Wishing and praying I were dead
Wishing I had never heard a word you said
About things such as love
About God and such being up above
About me just needing a little shove
In the right way
To get me to stay
Just give me peace at the end of the day
I looked at all of them and saw nothing but lies
Then I connected with your eyes
Bright with intelligence and caring
All night I forced myself to stop staring
So beautiful so pure she can’t be real
I can’t believe she is making me feel
My heart, its beats are off
My legs they begin to feel weak even soft
The dark cloud over my head
Got smaller with every word you said
Captivated by every single sentence
Intoxicated by your very presence
Then you kiss me and time ceases
With each soft embrace my heartbeat increases
The darkness is gone
My goddess has come to bring me the dawn
The waves in my mind cease to crash
My walls catch fire and turn to ash
You see past the broken man outside
You found the truth I had long ago tried to hide
You resuscitate what I long thought dead
I start to hear music again inside my head
I begin to smile for real
I begin again to learn to feel
I dream again, I love every moment of this
Every embrace every kiss
I would stop time and live here forever
In our safe place and moment we share together
I lie here inside my head
Grateful for every moment I’m not dead
Repeating in my mind every word you said
Feeling ever-increasing love
Thinking how much better this is than heaven above
Thanking the universe for the little shove
That sent me the right way
That helped me to stay
All for this glorious day
Jake Sellers 12
 
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Posted by on June 15, 2012 in Poems

 

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Sacrificial Rebirth

Lay broken upon this altar, just do me in
Sacrifice everything I am, let me reborn from blood and sin
Let everything in me fade and be free
Let discomfort fall away from me
I feel so strange here
So much feelings of dread, crippling fear
On the outside constantly
Cold, weary, and alone consistently
Transparent and apparently confused
Such an evil tool to be constantly used
Led like a lamb to the slaughter
Just leave me be, why even bother
I can’t be changed or rearranged
You view me as foolish, maybe deranged
How I wish I wasn’t the only one
Burning alone in the heat of this desert sun
My maker I beg you
Answer me one question, is it true
Have I fallen so far from your grace
That I am walking in the wrong shoes, wearing the wrong face
I feel misplaced, forgotten, and forsaken
How do I reclaim all they have taken
How do I become whole once more
When will I see dry land, a sandy shore
When will I find something I can hold in my heart
That won’t fade away and fall apart
Just give me a sign
I want to know how to make my stars shine
I want to know how to bring back the rains
I want to know how to calm this burning in my veins
I tried to kill him, this man inside
But listen, there is something I must confide
He won’t fade or be broken
He will be there silent, unspoken
But he shall remain the loudest voice in my head
Screaming till the world turns red
He will not be beaten, but stand strong till the end
He is my closest companion, my oldest friend
And he will not give in or drop
Nor be used as a common prop
He loves to love
To fly with angels up above
But his love is selfish and his own
He would rather end up all alone
Then to kill everything, he shall remain
Strongly standing through the pain
Till spirit flees flesh and bone
And he returns to stone
Jake Sellers 12
 
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Posted by on June 13, 2012 in Poems

 

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Fading Out

Small compromises are made
Till the heart, it slowly begins to fade
Staring with dark intent at my own reflection
Burn, just another scar to add to this collection
I never wanted to be this
A broken shell among the wreckage, shit and piss
Laying
Staring
Uncaring
Wondering
When will this end
When will you fade my friend
Given up on trust
Given into lust
I remember having stars in my eyes
Before the world took them with its lies
So lost now
Not even knowing how
To make it from this dark maze
Tick tock goes the clock and steals the days
Hourglass running out of sand
Time waits for no man
I stand
But get knocked down again right away
Reverberating in my head everything you used to say
Echoes from the past attack and last
Then when comfort comes they wither away so fast
I don’t want to be here
Consumed by doubt and fear
Holding my head as I scream
Wishing this were the dream
And what I see at night reality
As you open yourself to me
I see
Heaven laid bare
I want to go there
But do I dare
I want to believe in you
But still here I lay, black and blue
Waiting for fate to swing around and remember
That it left me behind that cold December
My world covered in white
Full of wrongs that feel so right
You left me behind
And alone I cannot find
The direction to take
Every decision I make
I find is wrong
You would think by now I would be strong
Enough to take all of this pain
But I am weakened now because of the rain
That falls with ferocious hate
Right on my head saying its too late
You can never return there
The innocent child you destroyed without a care
He is buried inside your shell
His soul resides within a private hell
YOU MURDERER
You destroyer of dreams
When will you see this darkness is not what it seems
Open up let it flow through you
Give in and give the devil his due
Let him take your pain away
Listen intently to every word he has to say
Smile
Laugh
Cry
Die
Such a simple plan
Such a foolish man
To think you can fight the tide
Just lean back, enjoy the ride
The pain and all the sorrow
Learn to love it, more will arrive tomorrow
Close your eyes and return to your sacred place
Where you keep the memory of her face
Let her light wash over you
Remember the moments spent together, far to few
Let the beat of your heart guide you down
Till it is no more and your body rots in the ground
Lead me away from this place
Allow me a moment of your grace
And just like light fades away
So I shall too at the end of the day
Meet me in the light of the moon I cry
And there we will lay entangled and watch the world die
Jake Sellers 12
 
 
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Posted by on June 11, 2012 in Poems

 

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Foolish Drunkard

My memories, they fall away
Just like the ashes of my cigarette
I try to remember a time
When this guilt didn’t chain me down
I lay shackled, broken, forgotten
What happened to all your promises
What happened to salvation
Why do I still feel unanswered
Why
I just long to be free
Such a foolish notion
Nothing is free
If need be
I shall bleed
Take my life’s red
If it means they can all breathe free
I’m done fighting for smiles
I’m done fighting with pain
I just want someone to see
Even if they did
I still lose
I don’t really want them to see
Please don’t look
Bow my head
Keep my eyes on the ground
Right where they belong
Suffer my friend
In the end learn to love pain
That shall be your only constant
Everything else will fade
Beliefs
Faith
Love
It all fades
It is all a broken ideal
Consume
Faster
Make it disappear
Before it can take hold
Broken words
From a beyond broken man
There is no repairing
Shattered
Like a glass window
Guilt shall spill over
Let it come
I don’t deserve this air
I don’t deserve anything
You should be here
As well as you
If “God” had a bone to pick
He should have taken it up with me
Not any of you
You deserved better
Tell me there is a reason
LIE
I know it
Chaos wins the day again
Let there not be a God
For if there is I have something for my creator
It starts with an F and ends with an O
If you threw us here
In this time
In this place
Well then
Benevolent creator
Arrogant creature
You have failed
Cause a test failed
Is worth a hundred passed
When the answers are debatable
And you never gave anything
But debate
Death
In
Your
Name
War
In
Your
Name
Peace
In
Your
Name
Well won
You stack the deck
But still
Well won
Take me I beg
This air in my lungs
It has grown as stale
As your words
Jake Sellers 12
 
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Posted by on June 10, 2012 in Poems

 

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The End

Walking through this garden
Which only bears bitter fruit
Feet so calloused
Throat so parched
I struggle to find this
Simple little answer
With vast complications
I’ve walked amongst the thorns
I’ve clawed my way through
Bleeding and guilty I made it out alive
I have soared the cosmos
I have witnessed the stars collide
I have stood on the surface of the moon
And have wept at what I have seen down below
I have swam the energetic river that flows beneath my weary feet
I have become one with you
I have seen you become one with me
I have flowed on and on
I have felt the darkness that threatens
I have felt the true evil
I have known its touch
Have known its tender embrace
Have seen its vicious underbelly
We wage a war constant within
More and more have given in
Some have made it through
Though they are covered in scars they still see
They know not many have the strength to resist
They know the opposition is relentless in its assault
Brutal
UNFORGIVING
It attacks are subtle in nature
So you are unaware you are being killed till the light flees your eyes
I have seen light fade
I have seen darkness win
I have seen the end
I have flown through the infinite darkness
Have found not a single thing there
Just flowing waves
That are endless
That are harmonic
That send heat through
Sweet numbing heat
Allow them to envelope you I beg
Give in men
Let the waves take you
Let the waves heal you
Let them soothe your wary muscles
Let them soothe your swelling pride
Give in women
Let the waves take you
Let the waves heal you
Let them soothe your wary muscles
Let them soothe your swelling pride
The enemy is cunning
The enemy is intelligent
He will take from you everything
And leave you bleeding out with nothing
You’ll picture the end with an odd sense of comfort
Think it is a must
So you may walk eternal
The infinite
The enemy is cunning
He has made you believe this lie
Don’t listen to him
Trust your mind
Trust your head
Trust yourself
I beg
Before we burn
Above and below
Heaven and Hell set ablaze
Your sanctimony the gasoline
Your avarice the match
BURN BABY BURN
Turn to ash
Blown away
Just like your consciousness
Your self
YOU
Blown away
By our crimes we found ourselves guilty
Now
Nothing
Jake Sellers 12
 
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Posted by on June 7, 2012 in Poems

 

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Spiritual Suicide

I walk these empty streets
While the city, she sleeps
No solace I find in the solitary darkness
Just hollow eyes watching my slow descent into madness
From the shadows they peer
They can see it in my eyes, the end is near
They hungrily await to attack
Ready to rush from the back
The second the last bit of hope in me
Dies then they know, they will feast beautifully
On the last shreds of humanity remaining
Shattering the cage that has thus far been containing
The darkest part of my sight
Shall rip free and further darken the night
And in the wake of this tidal wave
Of darkness flow from grave
I will finally find peace
For no longer shall I clutch this broken, missing puzzle piece
Desperately struggling to drive it in
This shattered, wasted picture of sin
TIME AND TIME AGAIN
Desperately seeking, somewhere it will fit
Tearing always into this precious writ
That swears it holds the key
To filling this massive hole within me
Making me feel whole
Dragging me in deeper with its pull
Till my lungs, they hurt for air
And almost every part of my body doesn’t seem to care
Then cast am I back into the blinding shade
Clutching this Goddamned puzzle piece, that shimmers and fades
Away but always returns
Leaving all new, beautiful burns
That hurt so logical and plain
And leave me drunk from the pain
I don’t want it anymore
This hollow, empty feeling at my core
This constant emptiness
Always punctuated with my loneliness
Sadness
Burden me no longer I pray
ATTACK SHADOWS, TAKE THIS PIECE AWAY
God how I truly await that day
Jake Sellers 12

 
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Posted by on June 4, 2012 in Poems

 

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