Monthly Archives: July 2012
A mote of dust in the wind,
a blade of grass.
I see everything,
clear as glass.
You have grown blind,
I try to convince myself.
The things I have seen,
I do not want to accept.
I should have died.
It should have been me.
I long for it.
I don’t belong here,
A traveler out of his time,
completely out of his element.
This is not my home.
This is not my time.
Why am I here.
To see everything I love taken?
I still see blood,
all over my hands,
right where it belongs.
when I turned right,
and I would be able to see you smile again.
when I turned left,
and I would no longer hear this choking.
wherever you be,
let me trade.
Take my hand,
take my life,
let him live.
My life for my brothers.
But what life to take?
I have squandered these years.
They have blown away,
So many grains.
Weathered from the rock.
Just let me go.
Let me fade.
Let this go.
Let the suffering end.
Let me die.
let me die.
JUST LET ME FUCKING DIE!
Or reveal your design,
make it count.
Let me see the reason,
behind all of this.
forgive me my failure.
I should have been at your side,
before the end,
not at it.
I should have been the one he stabbed,
for I would have lived.
God is far to cruel to offer me,
the sweet reward of death.
I would have lived,
you would have lived,
why didn’t I turn right?
Why must I always go the wrong way?
WHY DO I ALWAYS FAIL!
I AM A FAILURE!
I FAIL THEM ALL!
I ALWAYS WILL!
FUCKING TAKE ME!
let him live.
another nightmare is taking,
another bit of my mind this time.
to stop thinking of you dying,
when I say I’m fine,
your eyes no longer do they shine.
to the ground,
blood like a flood,
rushes the concrete,
I barely keep my feet.
for my brother in the dirt,
don’t go to the light.
Red and blue,
flash around you,
as you soar away from this place,
your face will never see the sun again.
I saw righteous fire rain from heaven, and then I saw hell spew forth a wicked fume.
I saw the world begin then end all in a moment.
I saw everyday human stupidity fade and run.
Then when the dust settled, in this space out of time and space, I saw nothing but blue,
and it staggered me to my knees.
Then the blue faded to red and my mind went blank.
Funny, at that moment, nothing mattered.
How to describe the indescribable?
A question, many nights, have I pondered.
Only in cryptic writings, has mankind even come close.
The only emotion that can condemn and save a man all at once.
Foolishly, blindly, we chase this more than anything else.
Be it physical love, or something much deeper,
chase it we do.
I question the validity of all your claims.
Is it love, or simple convenience that binds two lovers together?
Is it worthiness, or beauty that attracts us one to another?
I ponder and I fall, but knowingly I do so.
I, being aware and of an enlightened mindset, full well knowing what shall come,
still chase the hollow in my chest.
I know that no one shall ever be, what I need them to be,
but still I search.
I’m praying nightly that I am wrong.
I am begging whatever power is out there,
please, let one exist.
I know I am not the only one.
We wear many skins,
but all have one thing in common.
We want to believe.
Such a simple thing to ask,
and so easily given.
Just praying, pleading and begging.
We live silently.
We commune in darkness.
We hide our feelings, for we know one thing.
What we want to believe in, cannot be found.
It can only be given.
So let the shadows enclose me, and let the fear run free.
For fear and darkness serve to remind,
there are monsters that seek to strike.
Walk blindly and be rewarded with a fate, far worse than death.
Know that some of you live this fate daily,
and that my heart is extended to you.
For being the walking, talking dead,
cannot be an easy life.
Just know that someday,
we will live again.
This I swear, and know to be true above all else,
we will find our peace.