Monthly Archives: October 2012

Paradise Drift

Now watch as I close my eyes,
then leave this world behind.
Watch as I set sail into the vastness,
that is my own mind.
Watch as I leave behind,
all the hate, lies and fear.
I have had enough of this place,
time to leave here.
Time to leave the hourglass shattered,
and the sand within scattered.
I exist in this place,
I know it to be real.
A place so comfortable,
you know just how to feel.
Free from the lies,
pulsing out their godforsaken eyes.
Free from the pain,
threatening to overwhelm and drive you insane.
Free from the hate,
telling you misery is your fate.
Flow with the love,
all the way up above,
the smoke,
that makes you cough and choke,
and gasp,
and grasp,
for air,
just longing for someone to care.
The air is clear here,
heaven so near.
Snap back,
panic attack,
strikes through,
rending every goddamned inch of you.
Left broke down,
lying on the floor,
and for some reason you keep begging for more.
I can lead you away,
take my hand,
let me save you today.
Follow me,
together we can be,
Jake Sellers 12 

Posted by on October 29, 2012 in Poems


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Suicide and Death in general

Alright, so I don’t know why but my brain is constantly circling by this subject like I have something to say about it. So I open this up and just start going to see what my mind really thinks. As far as suicide goes I can’t say one way or another my opinion. It’s fucked up, not so much the people are in the wrong, hell at the time they pulled the trigger they probably had a damn good reason, however I am not saying it’s the way out. All of us at one point in time have thought about suicide. It’s how you deal with the thoughts and live your life. We were all put here on this world for the universal purpose to unleash your potential and help those you can. However what happens from when we are dumped onto this giant marble to when we die all matters. Even if you waste potential and do more harm than good to those around you it still matters. It matters cause you are fucking up the people around you. It’s all about the mind. I know, I know everyone blabs about mind over matter or some shit but the thing is is that this cliche is true. I absolutely HATE it when people cry to me, who are negative, or just depressed about shit that doesn’t even matter. Oh? A guy you fucked doesn’t like you? You do know millions of kids just committed suicide while you were crying right? Or that there’s millions of kids in Zimbabwe who are starving? Grow up and be fucking glad that you live here, in this moment, with the people you have, and for the love of god with the life you have. So on the subject of suicide I personally don’t think it’s the answer. I have thought of suicide many times but never gone through with it. Not because I’m a pussy but because I honestly, truly believe that if I killed myself it would do more harm to the people around me than help. Therefore I would be going against the universal purpose and that’s not a good road to go down. We get one fucking job in this world and it’s not to die by suicide. We all are never meant to die young, we are all meant to live a long, fulfilled life. However this is not the case. Mind you, there are millions of people on this planet and each more fucked up than the last. Some even get turned on and enjoy snuffing the life out of people. Killings happen. In my opinion the worst and one of the true mortal sins is going through this life and squelching other people’s self discovery. Self discovery is key in all my blogs because it is the thing that helps us find ourselves. Helps us better to understand who we are and where we should go and how to get there. We all go on a one way track through life, it’s called death. Call it fate, or God, or just random coincidence but I believe there are things and people on the track from here to there that we are supposed to help. When we kill each other and kill ourselves we are just leaving those people stranded in the dark. Hate to say this but we are all born with the same shit in our brains but like the old cliche, if you don’t use it, you will lose it. People get dragged down and brought to the bottom of it all and forget how to get out. Imagine the hell you would be in. Being pulled down by everything and everyone and just scrambling in the dark hoping for a miracle. I had been there before. It sucked. I had help pulling me out, and now everything in the brain that I had forgotten how to do have been rushing back to me with violent force. People are not weak, we all just get to a certain point where we forget we are strong. We forget that everything we are and can be is eternal. We forget that everything we are stuck in is just pointless, mindless shit yet we can’t get out. It’s like a tar pit. Tar by itself when heated hurts, it’s sticky, it is unpleasant, yet it will not stop us in our tracks. If we have tar put on us we heal ourselves and move on. Some people fall head first in tar pits. It is up to every single one of us to help those we can, and if we cannot don’t do any harm on you’re way out of that person’s life. You may not be able to help them but maybe someone else can. If you have been dodging your moment to help well Life will tell you over and over again and keep reminding you. You may run into that person all the time, or they enter your life, these are the people you need to pay attention to, however don’t lose focus on everyone. There is a reason they keep entering your train tracks and all it takes is talking to them. Suicide only destroys the overall experience and path of life. Destroys you from every person you were supposed to help. Destroys you from yourself. Killing each other does the same thing. It is definitely perplexing to think about, that maybe, just possibly, you are here for a purpose. The purpose needs to be filled. However those who commit suicide and those who die from cancer, or diseases, or by another person’s hand, I don’t think they are lost. I don’t believe they go to hell or purgatory or whatever. I believe whatever God put us here put us with our brain, and in our brain are endless mysteries. He would have known some of us lose it, we get stuck in the dark and can’t get out, and instead of remembering we are strong we remember we are useless. Suicide becomes an option, to many people over reasons that I do not agree are good enough to end your life. However the only thing I wish for those people is that they may find the peace and serenity they couldn’t find in this life. Life is rough, it’s not for the weak of heart. Weaknesses like this are brought on by other people but you chose to accept these weaknesses. They push you down and throw you around like a ragdoll. The only advice for those stuck in the black is, shit happens. Shit that we are neither prepared for or ready to accept. It’s rough and it makes you feel the worst. However just remember that you are you. There is no other person in this entire fucking planet that is like you. You act, talk, feel and love completely different than any person. You are a human being  Don’t throw away the human part because then you are just being and never forget that you are strong enough to take whatever life throws your way.


Tags: , , , ,

Another Religion Rant About the L.D.S Church

Alright, so here we go again. This subject I believe needs 2 posts. I have recently got some information from someone who was forced to hear conference. My little sister works at a rest home in Utah where every resident is L.D.S so they had conference on in every room of the place. She told me that the church is in desperate need of Missionaries so the cure that the “Prophet” declared was letting kids go on Missions at the age of 18. Am I the only mother fucker on the whole god damned planet that thinks this is a bad idea? Maybe simply because I’ve dealt with this subject, being raised in the church and what not but still. Maybe nobody cares but I do because I know the damage this religion can do to kids. I met a kid who was 18. He was expected to go on a Mission, he smoked, cursed, drank, did everything that was considered a sin in L.D.S Doctrine. He was terrified of letting his parents know, or even anyone for that matter, cause if it got back to his parents they would cast him out. They would disown him. Fucked up right? Knowing that no matter what, your parents are not going to love you unless you give in to something you don’t even believe in. Change who you are, change what you do and change for what? However I still had faith he would break out, break out and go on his own path to self discovery but in this state of lost souls who the fuck knows. See this is how I see this whole “Go on a mission at 18” thing. As kids who are born in the church we are force fed something that everyone tells us is “Truth”. We don’t know any different. We grow up believing in something not knowing anything else. Not knowing that there might possibly be no God. Not knowing that all this is just backed up by some story of a guy who found gold plates and translated them using things called a Urim and Thummim. That sounds pretty sketchy to me especially the fact that NOBODY saw these plates. Or if they did see it they had no way of understanding what they meant. There are all sorts of Native American artifacts scattered all over the Americas and they believe that these plates held a story of where Native Americans came from, that they come from Jerusalem, that they are really Jews? However, this is what we are fed to believe as fact. As kids we don’t know any better, singing child hymns in Primary class at church that forces the same facts down our throat. We were innocent children not knowing anything and they fucked us up beyond repair. It truly is a cult. However as we grow up, more and more we have “Dirty” or “Sinful” instincts. We learn more about them, slowly, depending on how far the brainwashing had set in when we were kids. Some it takes years, some never learn cause they go on missions and come back with that same fake smile that says “Hello! I don’t really love you but you should really read this book, it will help you be a good person”. I never fretted for the kids though, cause it used to be 19 they could go on missions. That gives them 1 whole year to get out in the world, to break out of the sheltered lifestyle their parents forced on them. 1 year to decide if that is what they truly believe or if they want to go on a mission. That is a long time to soul search about a mission, however it isn’t long enough for the type of brainwashing that was inflicted upon us.

We all need someone to help us break out. We all need some type of sinful person in our life, not evil mind you, but just isn’t really sheltered. Not all of us have it. Under the old rules about missions some kids would break out before the mission, or even afterwards. I have known more return missionaries that lost their faith it’s not even funny. Now though, they are force fed this shit as kids, have nothing but immeasurable guilt about being a teenager. Still brainwashed every Sunday. Or even when they are kids and don’t want to go to church they have to go until they are adults. Now they go straight from being a teenager, graduated high school, going straight into a missionary program to go save the world and convert everyone to their faith. What the fuck man? Is this really God’s will? If the L.D.S Church is true, is this really God’s will? Knowing full well what the fuck these parents do to their kids? Squelches and beats their true self down to a carbon copy of themselves? That’s God’s plan? For years I have prayed that if the L.D.S church is true, I would hope, I would wish with every ounce of my body that God would tell the prophet something to fix this. However my prayers have gone unanswered. Either it is true and he doesn’t care to fix the kids, whom he LOVES SO MUCH(taught this in church) or the church isn’t true. I honestly don’t know what to think anymore, I can’t think anymore, I can’t feel that pit in my stomach turn as I watch little kids being raised in a family like that. Some people might read this and go “Well at least they aren’t being molested or beaten” and normally I would agree with you. If the option was abuse, sexual or not, or an L.D.S family I’d say go with the Mormons. However either way they are going to be fucked up, and not only fucked up mentally but they will have no idea who they are, or what they are supposed to be. The confusion, the guilt, the brainwashing, the so many taboos on so much stupid shit. They are still going to be fucked over, and not only for a short time but for life. Everything shoved in their head as kids will follow them for life. They could even give up on the guilt and leave the religion behind but everything still remains there. The lessons. The teachings. The doctrine. The idea that because you aren’t a part of it you are a bad person. Well the last post had a lot of hope, hope and more importantly a positive ending. This post however is not going to have hope. I have lost hope for those poor kids. I have lost hope that they will find out what they want to do or who they want to be. I have lost hope for when they turn 18 they will be shipped to the factory where they build them with that same robotic expression and views. Those views are not their own but were passed down through genetics like a disease. Religion is the disease. Believe what you want if it helps you get up in the morning but in the end I know that it is the belief in a God, not only a belief but structured around that belief, that will kill us all and end humanity. Let’s see which God wins.


Tags: , , , , ,