Unseen eyes watch eternity grow. Beckoning from the shadows, pleading for you to clear away the smoke that blinds you. Whispering, a scar upon the body will one day fade, but a scar upon the mind is forever. Foolish masochist, stop bleeding yourself dry, all for the feeling, the sweet embrace, of pain. Joy. Smiles. Shadows.
Monthly Archives: December 2012
It occurs more often than not, this thought, that I don’t fit this world. Feeling surrounded, people trying to fit this antiquated piece, into their modern puzzle. Completely ignoring the image, they draw the puzzle, to suit their selfish needs. I often dream of flying. In these dreams I try so hard to show the ones around me how to fly. They never do, feet glued to the ground, I leave them… and soar. I pray someone learns, and meets me, here, dancing amongst the stars. Jake Sellers ’12
Seconds, drip into minutes. Minutes, trickle into hours. Hours, flow into days. Days, cascade into months. Funny thing, time. Everywhere I look, nothing can be seen but dust… frail, frail dust. Moments. That’s where I keep my heart, under worn lock and rusted key, safe. It’s all so daunting, yet at the same time such a simple thing. A prophet once said “Embrace this moment. Remember we are eternal, all this pain is an illusion”. I follow this, for at the end of the day, I will die. What am I though? Just this fleshy tomb? Or something more maybe? Something made from the core. This core of a man is a very telling thing. Most have never even ventured from the shore, let alone ventured into the shallows. Some can float, but somehow still manage to be grasped, by the sinking bodies of those out of their depth. Some of us fight! Some of us kick and paddle against the raging waves, savoring every last breath! Keep fighting, I beg you, brothers and sisters! To your last breath… never stop. Stay near the core. Share victory with one another in precious moments, stolen from the maelstrom. Fight for these moments, with every ounce of strength you have left, fight! I will meet you in the river, nearest the moon. FIGHT! Jake Sellers ’12
There’s an unbearable silence in the land of noise. Completely alone in this crowded room of self righteous zealots and lost souls. Surrounded by those who cast me aside and yet here I stand. My legs hurt…The pain of another life stirs memories and reminds me I have been standing for too long and yet not long enough. “Just drop down…” the devil on my shoulder begs and yet hard headed I lock my legs. The muscle’s spasm. Now I am breathing that sticky black substance that had made me her slave. Done some evil. Never caring about those whom I have harmed, never thinking about those who have been hurt. Only to find that pit of nothing inside that I can just throw it all. Throw it in that black hole in the center of your being and never remember. Never care. Never feel. Just throw it all away into nothingness. No matter how hard you try that black hole will always remain, forever making you feel that piece of you it replaced, and those things you put in it? Well, what goes up comes down. Only the gravity rushes it into your veins like a vile blanket of shame, guilt and fear. Living your life as a force of raw emotion brought on by your own thoughts and memories. Experiencing everything during the war of numb with emotions so overbearing they could smother a crowd. Yet these things are all rushing through one body, one brain, one being, forever scarring me. Scars that are easily covered up by keeping the distance with those who try to get close. Keep them away, never care too much. Nothing good can come from opening up. You’re too nuts. Too fucked up. Too broken and lost. Nobody will understand. Nobody will get it but me. That’s why I am my best friend cause who else could get it but me? Who else was right there with me. Who else has felt everything the way I have. Some might say Jesus Christ our good Lord and Savior. Maybe there is a Savior. Maybe there is? I don’t know. I mean there’s a ton of stories about a Savior since the beginning of mankind. I believe there might be. However he isn’t here. He isn’t listening and I don’t know what to do anymore. The only one who would understand and there is absolutely no proof at all that he is real. So alone I remain. Lost so much, and yet gained even more. Evolution. The black hole remains but the being around it has been reconstructed. Memories burn, however. The pain is gone but the shit remains. Stuck in the head as punishment. Forever tormenting and taunting with their wicked laughs. This is surely Hell. Where is Heaven? What is Heaven? Is there a place of eternal bliss? I have to believe there is. For this world is broken and crashing around us, however who’s fault is this? Is it beyond the point of no return? Sadly, yes. It has been shattered and wrecked beyond belief. In a sense of society, culture and the Earth itself. So many religions. So much negativity. So many lost souls. Too many casualties our ancestors have left us. Thanks. This place is not bliss. This life is not Paradise. Where is the fucking paradise I feel most of us deserve? The only logical answer I find is in death. Death will happen in due time for a natural reason. These bodies we run are dying and slowly going to drop like dead weight. However I feel that when this happens our beings, who we are shall continue. Not so much in a religious sense of afterlife but more as the bad shit is gone. Happiness and love are the only things that remain. The memories seem like a distant nothing. Existence is beautiful there. Does this mean we have the right to end our lives and catch an early flight? I believe not. I, however, am a hard headed asshole though. When life sucks and the pain begins it just makes me want to survive it. I would also never condemn anyone for committing suicide. If life gets so rough well I hope you find the peace in death life couldn’t give you. However I will say give life a chance. It may not be Paradise but there’s some cool stuff to experience here. Swimming, running, hiking, deserts, frozen mountains. The list goes on and on, there is some stuff we definitely should try out here. Why am I writing? What is the title of this? I don’t know. I just went. Had some shit on the brain that wanted to get out. I hope these demons released in this so I can get some sleep.
Stumbling upon the wreckage of a former life. Bleeding, simply to pass the time. Drifting through the cracks of time, watching the catastrophe take place… time… and time… again. Seeing the tool be used, only to be tossed aside, left to rust, once its usefulness had ended. They built this place, those ancient ones, that we must now drown in. The clock’s tick tock, cannot be stopped, and no matter your worth… time will take us all. Will you then, in the end, stand blameless before yourself? Will you stand and testify that you raged a daily war against hate with selfless love being your only weapon? Will you be able to hold yourself above the vast ocean full of fear, hate and woe? Will you in the end love yourself? Gravel under bare feet, rain falling from above, the tool tossed aside fights back against the rust, moving ever forward. Moving toward redemption, moving away from you.
Jake Sellers 12