Living under a rock has certain redeeming qualities. For one you don’t know what trends are hip and you don’t really give a shit about all that is material. More focused on that which plagues every human brain. How do you find happiness? Where is the light in this God forsaken land? What, at the end of the day, keeps me alive? What is the purpose? What is the answer? Now I’m not arrogant to believe that there is just one answer but I lived the majority of my life in a disassociate state of loneliness, forever thinking that this mind has been plagued far too much. Too diseased to survive in regular life. Forever buried my being in a hole, forcing it into the darkness so that I might survive. Later I would realize that I was the sane one, the rest of the world had gone mad. Forever a hermit, heavily medicated. Been through more surgeries than Michael Jackson. Still I came out on top. It seems like a lifetime ago to think about all of this. It seems like a bad dream that just won’t go away, a blank spot in the memory where no emotion exists. I can’t believe it’s only been 3 years since I came out of my pitiful existence thus far. Pretty sure it was 3 years ago that we moved from the town of which I used to call home. Towards the end it was less of a home and more of a place of negative memories. 3 years ago, my older sister helped pull me out of the cave I had spent in since birth. She saved me from a fate worse than just the town, but she saved me from myself. Ever since I was a child I remember I was always a loner. I was lonely and never bothered to talk to people. Talking to new people seemed more of a chore than something pleasant. Later on I realized it was not a chore but a gift, however faith in that has all but diminished in my present state of mind. At the time of being a child there was a lot of turbulence and left many scars in the mind. The only light in the darkness was my older brother, the only one I even bothered to keep company with. My older brother practically raised me with truth while my parents tried to suffocate me with lies. Keep me sheltered from all the bad and all that which should be instilled in me. The only thing they instilled in me are values and a respect for everything that bears human life. I do not know the ways of the opposite sex. I do not know what lies behind a lot of curtains. I have been left alone to pull back the curtains to expose all of that which I did not learn while being a child. Playing with fire just seeing how close I can get to the flame before I get engulfed. Never really focused much on my own reflection, never really worried about it. A rag tag kid with a bad sense of style who has turned into a man of which will never have an image of self reflection. The only thing I focused on was my own head, and that made me go a little insane. So after walking out of the past with my shoulders held high my being was still a shattered wreck of a normal human being. I had survived, a child who had never seen the sun walked out of his cave as a man. What nobody told the hermit of this story is that as he was in a state of never moving the world kept spinning. Soon the town didn’t look like the town he used to walk through as a child, soon the houses that were familiar turned into wreckage to make way for something new. Nothing looked as it was. People had devolved to a state of subhumans almost. Girls were raised to always hook onto someone else. They were raised to be whores. Attach to that of which you find happiness in, however nobody ever told this new generation that they must first love that which was within. See in the history of society why has this generation been the worst generation ever? Could it be that since we were children we have been fed lies and were told that they were truth? So that when the truth comes a long we don’t know what it is? We don’t know our own lies, we only know trends. Voting is a new trend, apparently it has become all the rage since I had exited my cave. It had become a sport of rockstars, not politicians, who are fueled by big company cash to be president. Fucking pathetic. On top of all that, all the “Ladies” had died and replaced their daughters with whores. “Don’t accept who you are, why even bother when you can seek acceptance from others?” Rule number one people, self acceptance is number one priority. Once this has happened you can truly be free. Your past is simply that, nothing could change who you are from the past. It was who you WERE not who you ARE, and who you are is simply an extension of how you think, which is a reflection of your childhood. A vicious cycle of which this new generation find themselves stuck in. They cannot let go that which has happened cause it makes them think one way or another. They cannot fight this feeling they get when they try to break out, a feeling of panic almost. They just bury their heads in medication and hope it copes. But it won’t, it never heals, it only opens it worse, makes your heart more fragile til you cannot even bandage yourself. Society had inherited all the worse traits of human kind’s past. All men have no respect for life, not even respect for themselves. A state of self loathing cause nobody tells kids they have to love themselves. Just go to facebook and have a million people validate your bullshit so you can feel acceptance. It’s easier, that is why everyone is broken. That is why nobody bothers to fix themselves. Something’s gonna break, something’s gotta give way for something new. A hermit who had no idea this had been happening came out into the world expecting it to be like when he was a child. Never realizing til it was too late. I’m sorry to those who I could have helped. I apologize to all of those fate had tried to make me help. I’m sorry that you had delved deep into the abyss and now you cannot be saved. A million times I apologize. An intriguing creature, here I stand. Separate from the rest and forever alone. I shall see those of you who chose to move on, on the other side. Maybe on the other side of the mirror the creator shall reveal to you how this hermit sees. For I have lost many memories and done many ill willed deeds. I have been to the highest state of spirituality on the other side and have been in the depths of hell and I will tell you this. My eyes are too weary and my words too jaded. Nothing matters except what you will do when the Creator calls you home. Will you reject his call? Or shall you find the happiness inside of you to move on? Experience life, experience happiness, experience pain, experience hate. Nothing can harm your own salvation in this life except that which is truly evil. So what is the big deal? Love who you are and enjoy what you do, cause if you do not, you might resist the Creator’s call. Save yourself people, of this I bear my soul to you. Save yourself, don’t worry about everyone else. Worry about your own self happiness. Please, this I beg of you.
Sincerely,
A hermit who figured out society’s bullshit.
Arsonist Cookbook 