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Monthly Archives: December 2013

Answered Echo

…because you were the lie that had been perpetuated by my complex lonely soul. I had pinwheeled into your universe by a pull beyond my control and coalesced with your natural life. You’re brighter than you let on, and you conceal it only to further exacerbate an already out of control freefall. I thought it was real… because I thought I mattered.

…because there’s nothing left but bitter words and burnt out flecks of light. Everything that was in me that was splayed out across a table for your fucking inspection, is now crumbling from your diseased fingertips, lightly tracing my swollen lips, as I drift beyond sleep and fade out of this hole. There is no tightly wrapped gift concealed beneath the tree… no… there is fucking nothing left of me.

…because I was never fucking good enough to begin with, yet you wouldn’t fucking let me run away! You crawled beside me and pleaded for the last bit of me I fucking had left. Creeped and crawled beneath my skin, buying trust with my soul as the goddamn currency. It was all I had left… ALL I FUCKING HAD!!!

…because it was everything to me.

…because it was nothing to you.
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Posted by on December 25, 2013 in Paradise Drift

 

Misconception Obsession

A body lost and trapped in time. A soul concealed in myth and trapped in rhyme. A broken dream left somewhere far behind. A curious obsession splayed out line after line.

I’m staring at the world through Alice’s looking glass and am beginning to clearly see, this desolate core existing at the core of me. Upon my brow I bear the weight of his crown, and so my head seems perpetually cemented to the ground. I’m falling backwards through rainy skies, and I’m watching heaven and hell wage war as the innocent child dies. I’m full of chills and trembling with fear, as Death seems ever closer to getting here. Dreams let go and just leave me be, as I drift into the space between no, and maybe.

I’m a myth. I’m a dream. I swear I’m much more than I seem. Please stay here and hear my tale, of a tell tale heart, just beating to fail. With no cause left to fight for, and with attention drawn to this hollow pit, right near my core.  Been stalking, crawling there in the dark, sensing my blood in the water, death comes like a shark. Sinking row after row of teeth into me, as I finally reach the space between no, and maybe.
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Posted by on December 24, 2013 in Paradise Drift

 

Delirium Drops

I thought I heard you whisper my name today…
I tried to convince myself it was a dream…
but what can I say?
I find comfort in miracles…
small though they may be….
so carry on my dear friend…
and never stop whispering to me.

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Posted by on December 24, 2013 in Paradise Drift

 

Mortal Coils

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His skin misses the memory of her touch. His lips are dry and cracking, his throat so parched his words flow out in croaks. He remembers the pain of knowledge and the relief of ignorance. Sometimes once the puzzle has finally, and painstakingly, been constructed… the image of the whole can leave one reeling. His cuts were small that day, yet the ocean still turned red from his corruption. Like a virus, his blood crept through the boundless infinite and left it crumbling and desolate. He watched the needle drop and the choir leave their stand… all while December rainfall washed clean the earthly memory of his passing.

Was it a myth, a hope or a dream, that had kept him breathing? Was it arrogant vanity and narcissistic calamity that had kept his soul buried in flesh? What happens when the frail husk withers and is blown aside by the sands of time? Thoughts of the afterlife infect his mind to the point that he finds it hard just to know what life is. Echoing clarity from the past breaks through his walls of stone and has him dropping to his knees in pain. Peace was found and was in his grasp… he clutched it until it also was finally crushed by the weight of his mental shackles.

So now he’s bouncing his head off of brick again, trying to shatter his mind or the world, either will do. His skin is slick and crimson from the hundreds of minuscule, self inflicted cuts that cover his body like an anxious answer to the question why. He cannot escape from his own creation, conflicted and afflicted, he remains a prisoner of his will. Freedom was a kiss planted with selfless intent. Heaven was a room with four walls, two windows, and one closed door. Paradise was a precious gift for which he will remain eternally grateful. Hope was a lie. Death was the inevitable consequence for his decision to learn to breathe.
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Posted by on December 20, 2013 in Paradise Drift

 

Musical Drift

I was a little out of place and feeling constantly at the grace of borrowed time. I saw the warming sun begin to dip below the western horizon, and shed an anonymous tear when it finally disappeared from view. The moon comforts and holds me in your absence, but it cannot possibly provide the same light and warmth as your majestic radiance. File my name amongst the rest of the creatures you left in the wake of your fire.

Words are plucked from the air around me and are arranged with chaotic grace upon the page before me. I grew up where the devil landed, miles from my home there was a nightly congregation of vicious demons. I stumbled upon this party of horrors but once, and it nearly cost me my mind. They chased me through the hollow streets of that diseased town, until I finally collapsed upon the hard concrete of the driveway where I lived. I’m not scared like I was then. Courage is a badge of honor worn upon the sleeves of all the damned. I find the pain… liberating.

So I’m sitting back with my fist cocked. My tongue stays laced in venom and I’m ready for war. I’m gripping my fear and holding it down with my hope. I’ve armored myself in scars of battles lost and wars won. I’ve armed myself with the knowledge of a million shattered bones and the fact that pain can’t kill… especially not me. I’m viewing the world in dreams and chasing nightly visions.  I’ve decorated my banner with a fantastical dream and I’m chasing that bitch all the way into the ground.

Strip me bare and heal me with your melodic waters. Push and pull my weary muscles, teach them once again to relax. Stretch me naked across your redeeming fire and burn free my anger. Pull me through a smoky haze of comfortable silence and let me drift through myself for awhile. Teach me to see without seeing… please I pray, teach me to find without seeking.
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Posted by on December 17, 2013 in Paradise Drift

 

Demonic Exhalation

I had seen this demon before, hidden there in the darkest part of his eye. It called to me, seemingly pleading with me to end its suffering. I tried until the end to exorcise it from you my friend, but try as I might, the devil rode you to the grave. Seeing it again stunned me to stillness, as he threw furniture and screamed goddamns to the world. He would rather die, then spend one more day in his flesh, he stated with the painful side of his tongue.  I stared in bewilderment as his cries of rage turned to tears of sorrow. You don’t know my life, he had declared. He was right. I did not know his life.

Chains are cast with careless abandon, netting thoughts down, and shackling them to the delicate muscles of my left brain. I grimace and shake off the pain, and continue to sift throughout a minefield of buried hopes and dreams. Intent set on healing, I’m tearing open scabs, and rummaging deep through my muscle tissue, and scar tissue must be shredded from the process. I find betrayal more often than not, self betrayal foremost among them. Self sabotage seemed to come easy, as momentary smiles turned to bitter scowls.

I feel it creeping through my soul again. My stomach knots while dreams leave me vomiting myself to life. I’m up then down, breathing heavy as my head strikes the pillow with half senseless rebellion. Take me once more, head of mine. Show me the loss, break me of this sickness. Grip me and pull me towards brighter horizons and fresh dreams and means. Take me from this winter wind with its malicious bite. Take me down the musical current. Please head of mine, take me back to my heart… I care little that it leaves me sick… return me to my heart.
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Posted by on December 11, 2013 in Paradise Drift

 

Riddle Rattle

Who are you?….
Please tell me?…
Please let me in?…

Once, a very long time ago, there existed a most magnificent waterfall. Over two hundred feet high, the water cascaded through a series of jagged cliffs and wicked shards of stone, to crash with a sound like thunder on the surface of the pool below. About halfway between the precipice and the abyss, out of the crumbling wall, grew a most gorgeous orchid.

I don’t understand… What does it mean?… Please, just let me help you…

I saw God once, in a series of tattooed dots on the back of an old Aryans worn out hand. It wasn’t the despicable biggot, or even his tattoo clevery disguising the image of the Lord, no, it was something inside of me. Something that clicked on like an overdue lightbulb. God is hidden in a million different spots in this world, and can even show up on the darkest night of your life, just to see you try again.

What darkened your world that night?… What was taken from you?… Please… let me help you…

With eyelids half closed, I regurgitate words that strike the cold cement with the same impact as the aforementioned waterfall.  I’m seeing God on my custom spackled ceiling, pointing to a hideous representation of Frankenstein’s monster and all the while I can’t take my eyes from the curled serpent in the corner of my room. I’m falling throughout space and time, all while I paint this plastic smile on my face for your benefit, watching empires and kingdoms turn to dust in the reflection of my mind. I’m staring into a television set built from lies, tubes and wires and all I can see is my broken soul reflected in the eyes of a generation of faceless children…

You can’t help me…
You can’t even help yourself…

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Posted by on December 3, 2013 in Paradise Drift