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Monthly Archives: March 2014

Intravenously

Punk didn’t die, it just evolved into The Dude. First of all, if you understood that previous sentence by all means continue, if not well hit your back button and get along. Secondly, this is gonna be a long meandering trip and assuming you understood that first sentence get ready for an entertaining read.

I was fourteen.  God I hated the world. Young and so incredibly foolish. I remember the Mohawk I had shaved after I had seen my cousins impressive four inch spiked hawk. Every color I could buy destroyed that matt of youthful spite until it became as thin as my seemingly magnetic personality. I realize years later that I didn’t hate the world so much as I hated the fact that I seemed to have no goddamn place in it.
The wind brushes my naked body and the sprinkers have me shivering like a frightened pup. I don’t really care. I’m young and naked on a warm summer night. Life could never get any better.

The phone’s ringing and my head hurts. You’re crying as you wake me up. I’m not mad at you my brother. Please don’t think I’m mad at you. I’m just not sure of what you’re saying. Calm down brother. Calm down. No. That’s not right. I was just sleeping. Please tell me that I’m just sleeping.

I’ve tried on several occasions to properly convey a feeling that frankly there is just no possible way to ever get the fuck across. Fear. A whole other level of fear clawing out of his eyes. Desperation. So much fucking confusion. Red. Blank. Free.

I don’t hate the world and punk did not fucking die. It just evolved into The Dude… man.

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Posted by on March 29, 2014 in Paradise Drift

 

Tales of My Nature

I’m fidgety. I’ve been waiting for nearly an hour for the call. I hate this parking lot and all these inane monkeys that keep passing through it. My mind is screaming trying to drown out the noise of a thousand thoughts of failure and bad decisions. My phone vibrates and my friend answers it and gives me an address, my purpose lies before me and nothing will keep me from it.

I pull up behind the appointed vehicle and follow it around for what seems like an eternity, until finally the driver seems satisfied and pulls to the side of the road. My friend jumps from the car with an over eager speed and practically runs to the passenger side window. I see the exchange and already I feel high, already I feel peace.

Once back in the car he’s already pulled out a small piece of tinfoil before I’ve even pulled away from the curb. He breaks open one of the small rubber balloons and unwraps the black treasure enslaved within. He inhales the bitter smoke in through the straw and then passes it to me, he lights it and eyes still on the road I fade into paradise.

Seconds or minutes or hours or days pass. I’m laying on the couch and I can’t move. I’m staring at my brother who lays sleeping on his back and think if he vomits, he will die. Just like him. He will be gone and I won’t see him anymore and I can’t even fucking move! If he dies I will not make it, I won’t be able to take it, please body… MOVE!

I fade out of time and see the hole waiting for us all along this road. I feel tears moisten my cheeks for the first time in years. My body slowly starts to shake and soon I’m able to roll off of the couch and push my brother to his side. I’m done something deep inside me declares. We’re done.

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Posted by on March 24, 2014 in Paradise Drift

 
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Freak

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Posted by on March 20, 2014 in Paradise Drift

 

Strong Language & Suicidal Tendencies

Lately I feel like I’m nothin but another fuckin’ bad decision, and this damned indecision’s been twistin my vision, it’s got me feelin’ like I’ll never escape this paupers prison, and when your livin’ just to keep on survivin’, there’s a twisted kind of longin’ when you start to think of dyin’.

I’m just another ghost set to roast through your memory, and I can’t seem to see, the way back to me, cause you’ve doused me in your fire oh so beautifully, and I’ve long ago forgotten who or how to be, so here I am now on bended fuckin’ knee, pleading with you to just set me free, please Lord teach me how to finally breathe.

So tell me the story once again, you know, the one drippin’ in sin, I’m beggin’ you to please just begin, though I probably won’t even hear you over this maddenin’, constant, din, seemingly reverberatin’ and originatin’ from within, and I can’t be the first asshole that’s ever fuckin’ been, so please someone tell me how to make it out again.

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Posted by on March 18, 2014 in Paradise Drift

 

Keep It

You stand by and watch as I crumble, turning your nose to the air as if I were something beneath you. Well what if I goddamn was, about six feet or so? Would these words still ring in hollow self absorbed ears? I’m hocking legitimacy in a world that seeks perfection at the end of a blade. What kind of a goddamn fool am I?

The rain pelts forbidden music across my naked skin. My eyes are closed to the world and my mind is ages away. I exist somewhere protected from your petty judgements, based on a lie you force feed your children with a side order of guilt. Because you took the love away from the Lord and turned him into a cult of personality. You spend your days tearing through other people’s dirty laundry because you can’t stand the sight of the shit and piss stains upon your own…. and I’m the villain?

I once thought I would change this world, but now I just want to see it burn. Who am I to stand up against this truth you’ve ground into my head? I’m a waif, a peasant, an undereducated derelict who has nothing to offer anyone. I’ve got a vault full of broken metaphors and hidden riddles, that no one wants to hear… and for goddamn sure no one wants to buy. Why then, you may ask, do my thumbs frantically pace their way over this miniature keyboard?  I don’t know. They all said the world was what you make of it, as they kept piling bricks into the wall that separates us from our creator. They offered the pursuit but never the happiness because they knew, in their very hearts, as they wrote the words, that they themselves had yet to goddamn find it.

So watch the weight and style the hair. Stay clean and smell fresh. Because after all it would be a tragedy to die and to not look your best.
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Posted by on March 7, 2014 in Paradise Drift

 

Fading Ink

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Posted by on March 7, 2014 in Paradise Drift