I’m fidgety. I’ve been waiting for nearly an hour for the call. I hate this parking lot and all these inane monkeys that keep passing through it. My mind is screaming trying to drown out the noise of a thousand thoughts of failure and bad decisions. My phone vibrates and my friend answers it and gives me an address, my purpose lies before me and nothing will keep me from it.
I pull up behind the appointed vehicle and follow it around for what seems like an eternity, until finally the driver seems satisfied and pulls to the side of the road. My friend jumps from the car with an over eager speed and practically runs to the passenger side window. I see the exchange and already I feel high, already I feel peace.
Once back in the car he’s already pulled out a small piece of tinfoil before I’ve even pulled away from the curb. He breaks open one of the small rubber balloons and unwraps the black treasure enslaved within. He inhales the bitter smoke in through the straw and then passes it to me, he lights it and eyes still on the road I fade into paradise.
Seconds or minutes or hours or days pass. I’m laying on the couch and I can’t move. I’m staring at my brother who lays sleeping on his back and think if he vomits, he will die. Just like him. He will be gone and I won’t see him anymore and I can’t even fucking move! If he dies I will not make it, I won’t be able to take it, please body… MOVE!
I fade out of time and see the hole waiting for us all along this road. I feel tears moisten my cheeks for the first time in years. My body slowly starts to shake and soon I’m able to roll off of the couch and push my brother to his side. I’m done something deep inside me declares. We’re done.