I dreamt of the pull of sand and a distant drifting land. I dreamt of a grey faced man and I watched as he took her hand. I dreamt of a fire free burning in the sky as all of the children cried out why? I dreamt of a cold cast lie and the dream fell like tear from her eye. I dreamt of grinding stone and lecherous tombs empty of polished bone. I dreamt of a world with a sun never shown and watched as the darkness revealed me all alone.
It’s a mess of thoughts that lead nowhere and I can’t even recall trying to care. I feel the fear of the coming frost and the distant discourse between the lost. And the ashes they just keep calling and in my dreams I’m always falling and my knees are stained red from all of this crawling and I can’t hope to survive this stalling.
I thought that I knew your name. I even thought I knew your way. I felt the world fall as I heard the news. I heard the blood as it rushed it’s way from my beaten heart all the way through my eyes and felt them moisten in response. I knew the truth then. I felt the ice.
My hands shake on the lighter as the flame scorches the memory. It is a temporary fix but I know it’s still there. Scratching at the surface like a trapped idea and wanting more of me to kill. I look down and see a hand in mine. It’s only for a moment but I swear I can feel it’s warmth. I can almost feel it tickle it’s fingertips up my arm and past my shoulder and brush my hair.
I fell through the sky like a print in disguise and watched as it danced away the evening. I felt the moon’s caress and misused the motion and fell deep inside my mind. I dropped through the ocean and into the sea and felt the entire world forget about me! The depth of fear is vast indeed and it’s probable to redesign the seed but impossible for the crippled in need. I don’t want your hand holding me aloft. I won’t be your broken. And I’ll stand alone with my shattered plan. Because after all that’s all I had! A fucking shattered plan for a crippled man standing in the shifting sand. It’s all I am and all I had.