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Monthly Archives: November 2016

Hollowed

…when there’s nothing left to be said. When the mind hides behind dreams of violent conclusions and drifting memories, what’s left to be explained? More importantly where does one find the words? It starts with the complicated end that fractured the will. Flesh. Weak meat tied up in delusions of self importance. I remember reeling in the fish and watching it choke… red and dark. Blue and red. Red and dark.

I wish to God I could find the words. It’s like a faded memory of something pleasant that comes with a scent on the wind. Images fade the waking mind but the memory is still warm and comforting. And no matter what I possibly hope to say, it won’t change the wane of the day. It won’t change the cosmos at play.

The dance began as a playful sort of innocence that blossomed beyond the control of either body involved. Love is like that. You can’t choose it and you sure as fuck can’t ever hope to control it.

The cement room is dark and musty and full of horrible memories of a childhood spent dreaming and ending screaming. FUCK IT ALL! FUCK THIS WORLD! FUCK EVERYTHING THAT YOU STAND FOR! He screams the lyrics at the top of his lungs as he feels the numbness spread. He takes another sip of cheap vodka and pukes a little bit of it back into his mouth. He swallows the puke because his pride will allow no weakness. He takes another lortab and beckons the devil in the corner of the room a little closer. The tears come from nowhere and are just as sudden as the laughter that chases them away.

Because I could write a million words and still never tear this goddamn disease from inside of me. I can’t remember myself before that night. Who the fuck was I to be so foolishly oblivious. They say what point is there to dwell on the inevitable? I say what is the fucking point of denying and ignoring it? Go ahead and bury that shit 6 ft deep in your subconscious, watch it dictate and control your every goddamn move anyway. I embrace the darkness. I have no choice. It swells and grows in me. Dreams of red. Dreams of black. Dreams of the faces of people I’ll never see again. Dreams of a truth better left with the dead, when there’s nothing to left to be done and…

 
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Posted by on November 1, 2016 in Paradise Drift

 

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