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Category Archives: Chubbz’s Brain

Warning, about to enter the mind of the ginger king. You have been warned.

Medicated Manufactured Humans

The moon winks at me at night. Constantly looking up unlike most human beings and always very aware of how massive the universe is. Fully aware of how tiny I am in the grand scheme things. This is what I am not supposed to do, they do not want us to. They want us to think so small, they want us focusing on the landscape they created as a cage like a monkey in a fucking zoo. For if you look at the stars you realize you are on a floating pebble in a vast endless span. Then you look at the earth in a different light. Maybe see it as a precious thing. Yet that hasn’t happened. In this the year of 2013 I find it is so incredibly easy for everyone to be lost and unaware of the big picture. Pills of which they created cures every ailment you have and boy do they feel so amazing. Next thing you know you are a machine. Made to find that high again and again. Then where are you. Then you make yourself the victim of the shit just complaining and crying while your mind is focused so small while your inner self destroys itself. Not many understand this cause they are manufactured to think so narrow. I gaze at the stars yet I don’t just look. I understand. I feel small, and I know that some of my petty issues do not matter right now and maybe my priorities should work this way instead. It puts my stress and woes at bay for a while. It ultimately calms me and puts me in a lighter mood. Yet these people do not understand this. They think they are so much bigger than they are ultimately forcing them to think worse and foul. These people weigh me down like a cancer. Sorry if there were hurt feelings but I cannot be allowed to be dragged down. And I would too. I feed off of other people’s energy really sensitively for some reason. This also helps me look at people and look through the mask and see the human but sometimes the human is twisted and deformed. Not saying they are all bad but when people start crying about every single tiny thing in a true sad babyish way it brings me down. I cannot drop into the abyss again. It was cold and dark down there. I will not drop into it again. Therefore I will cut your strands tied into me like fucking nothing. I won’t even think twice. Welcome to the age of information in America where everyone is an arrogant, ignorant baby that are heavily medicated. Welcome to the tipping point of our empire. Sorry ancestors….we have severely fucked up and bought into EVERYTHING. Good game. At the end of it all…the moon still winks at me in the night.

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Posted by on August 6, 2013 in Chubbz's Brain

 

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Cutting the Strands

Sleepless from another, nightmare I lay myself to rest for another restless night. Something inside of me refuses to dream. I feel it is afraid of what I am doing…Enter my mind if you dare and see a figure standing in the dark. A pitiful figure of beaten and battered condition. This figure has been going through tests. Certain things need to occur in the mind. For the pinnacle of all great conquests begin within the mind. This figure is unaware of certain things. More aware of more important details. Seeing the writing on the wall he is reminded of his tests. His ability to survive. He grabs the magnifying glass. He begins studying his flesh. For some reason he knew he would find them on his legs. Call it (fate) coincidence. Freak of nature. He finds them there. Embedded in his skin and criss crossing like (stitches) some weird x pattern. Here lay multiple stitches, suddenly yet not too suddenly, embedded into his skin. He looks for the tool. The one thing that might save his sanity and allow him to dig these fucking stitches out. They itch. He cries like a baby unaware of what he is doing. A part of him feels unable. Fuck that. He stands up defiantly. Understanding more than what appears. He stumbles through the fog that surrounds him and finds what he is looking for. A scalpel. The tool to his salvation. His key. He sits down and goes to work, picking and letting it bleed to let the sickness escape and the spirits to evacuate. Digging further in to just cut the stitches out. Allowing them to get pulled out of his skin. Loosening them. One by one like little knots. Needing to be free of it all. The scalpel gleams thick red rubies as he continues his work. He is unaware that this will be his freedom. He is unaware that these here strands that will leave many scars will need to be cut. However he does understand that after his work will be complete, that infernal itching under the skin will stop. Cut back to the real world, understand that was a vision. A human being struggling for sanity. Less people. Less evil. More chores. Lets get this shit moving.
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Posted by on July 20, 2013 in Chubbz's Brain

 

Pieces shattered/The end

He sits alone in this room. It’s all a test. Greatness comes with madness. We all just choose our own poison of crazy I guess. Some have greatness and gain a madness of which is narcissistic and evil. Hitler had greatness and his madness…well…the Jewish people can tell you what his madness was. He stares at the pieces. The structure was built by other people, it was not to be trusted. Too many flaws in the picture. Too many fucking flaws. He feels the sickness of faith creep in his gut as everything he once knew becomes a fable. A story tale better saved for children night time stories. The pieces are here. Everything is in this jigsaw puzzle of shattered glass. The memories of childhood games. The rejection of everyone and the love of those who matter. Somewhere in these pieces are the picture he wants to find. The picture doesn’t match. Nothing fucking matches in this place. He wonders where he is. Was it his room where he fell asleep the night before? Was it the basement of which there are paintings on the walls? Was it the baptismal pit of which he was initiated into something that which will never truly be his? He can’t remember where he was last. Falling asleep, this has to be a dream. He starts to panic as the confusion of the puzzle pushes him to the brink of a full on mental collapse like Jesus just bashed his brains in. Hyperventilating, he tries to re-focus his eyes on the puzzle pieces. Then he finds it. The distant memory wrapped in a riddle tied within a dream. A place of which he wasn’t quite sure if it was a place. The fog ties his mind down as he reaches for the memory. He finds it slowly deep in his core where he feels the fire from within. The sun holding him in her warm embrace, caressing his being letting him know that he will be ok. That everything will be ok. That there is a purpose, we are just too narrow minded to know. And within the warm, orange, gentle grasp of the sun he finds peace. He sees that nothing is everything and everything is just right around the corner. He holds this cornerstone as he sifts through the glass. The edges of the glass hurt as the memory tears his mind open like brain surgery with no anesthetic. His hands get ripped apart by the pieces filled with heroin. So many sharp edges…so many cuts…so little time. Piece by piece this man slowly puts his mind back in order. Putting the picture together. Finding the pieces that don’t fit and throwing them to the shadows. This is where the story ends for the process is still underway. Permanent fixing is imminent. That’s the only way things go in his story. The pieces are shattered and they get put together again. Too many scars prove that.

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Posted by on June 14, 2013 in Chubbz's Brain

 

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But the sky…

“If I had another wish then maybe you wouldn’t die…”-From Zero

On this day things will shift, sending a crowd spiraling torwards nothing. This town is full of broken souls and junkies while the righteous shadow their answers with dark veils riddled with half truths and broken lives. Weekends slowly became my religion yet I left my steeple cause of bullshit morons trying to find nothing while they hold the key. I left my place of happiness and meditation. It had to end bloody…it always ends bloody. I’m back on the street outside my church. Sadly the best times and worst times happened right inside. I call this my church cause it was the only time I was excited for weekends. I sit on rocks on the side of the street of this bullshit town. Its filled with nothingness…but the sky…how can it be so beautiful? The sun rises on this place as the blood shines against the concrete like a crimson mirror. I never said goodbye. I never wanted this ending….but the sun keeps shining. A new day. A beautiful sunset. Time stops for no man, no matter if he saved more lives than most preachers. An ending to a religion. The death of a savior…but the mountains shine against the sky. I guess my ancestors were correct, the sun shall shine in this life as well as the next. The pit in my being grows a little bit more. This time I will feel it all….

 
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Posted by on June 11, 2013 in Chubbz's Brain

 

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Happiness is Key

So this subject has been avoided, not because I don’t want to talk about it but mainly cause I didn’t know how to go about it. I feel like the entire world has lost their way. I watched 2 important videos tonight. 1 was I watched a youtube rant about how in 1999 the King family, as in Martin Luther King Jr., started a civil trial saying that MLKJ was killed by Memphis police authorities and many other federal agencies were involved in the murder of him. A jury of 12 people found the U.S Government guilty of assassinating Martin Luther King Jr. and I can guarantee nobody hears about this. The King family only wanted 100 dollars restitution to show it was not about the money. They just wanted this info out there, and well, look at today’s society. I swear if I hear one more fucking thing about marijuana being legalized or some crock of shit about gay marriage I am gonna go ballistic. Not saying these aren’t important issues, me personally think both should be legalized, but how in the world does every news station not report this? Fucking all the news stations just talk about celebrities, and why? Well America it’s cause you are FUCKING RETARDED. Now follow the bouncing ball morons, FUCKING RETARDED. When in the world did we become a society fixated on vanity and social interactions through a wire than about what is happening in the world today. When were comedians regarded as a good place to hear the news. News is the truth about what is happening in the here and now and yet the government has everyone locked under their boot like a sadistic slave driver about to crack the whip at the american people. I feel like when we became stupid we became lost souls, we sold what was in our minds for an alternate reality where nobody is really real. Facebook is the alternate reality, it is a digital reality that people become too involved in. At what point are you at a party do you want to post a status about it? It is real life, happening…you can taste and feel and see everything and yet you would rather talk to people who aren’t physically there with you about what you are doing? When did this become ok? This should be regarded as lunacy and pathetic. Because that’s what this shit makes you feel like. You suppress and suppress and you think “Oh I don’t have to face all the bad shit in my life cause 100 people on facebook will validate anything I say and love me”. Just suppress it all. Then what? Well that dam is gonna break free and all the shit you had behind it is gonna rush through your system like a freight train. You are gonna be one moody fuck. Your body has to get used to normality. This is step one. Now the 2nd video I watched was a video of a music group, who I never really care for, they have talent but they squander it, but I listened to this one cause I know they are extremely religious and the song was titled “Where’s God?”. Now this song goes off about how when shit hits the fan God isn’t here, and how he should be here to save us. Ok look, the only reason why Religion worked back in the day was because the public was more apt to believe a giant invisible guy will help you. Science disproved it but being atheist wasn’t really the norm til about the 80s-90s? I’d like to say? So you gotta look at what happened, so technology boomed. Huge. Uhm…Parents were failing their children, might I say Columbine for example. Shit started to get crazy, medicating kids. People started realizing that there had to be more than just God. This was the beginning, for when we doubt, the happiness we feel is replaced by fear and control. As the generations went on nobody really ended the cycle, parents perpetuated the bullshit. Kids grew up off lies, were told they were never good enough. To the point where the narrow minded idea of a singular explanation such as God and Heaven and Hell seem pretty far fetched. I feel like we all feel there is more to it than just that. Religion was the jist of the story just warped by mans vision and in the end what did it do? It made you happy. Happiness is key. Happiness can overwhelm you, make anything seem better, brighter, almost as if you have a new pair of eyes. You can deal with the weight of the world with happiness and when you die I feel as if Happiness saves us. Religion made you happy. God made you happy. You eventually moved on to the better place after this world because you knew it was happy. That is why I think religion does more harm than good now. Growing up I went to church every day, my parents tenacious believers in the L.D.S religion of which made them happy. However when I went to church I never was happy. It never made me happy. It made me sick. Physically and emotionally. I felt like they were just telling you a leaf note for their own selfish reasons so they can manipulate you. I see the manipulation with everyone in that church and it seems like a depressing existence. Yet people feel the good in it. Families live forever in heaven, who wouldn’t want that? So they fight for it, even if the “Prophet”, who is man himself, says to vote “No” on a gay marriage bill they still fight for it so they can be happy. God I feel started this big crumbling rock and gave us a choice, the choice is not so much just 1 choice but a plethora of choices to go through in this life. You have the choice to be a selfish happy, a pathetic happy of narcissistic addiction of just making yourself happy no matter who’s gotta die. Those are the ones who will go to hell. Then there are those who chose a selfless happy, one of pure intent. One that is magnified by a million in your gut til you feel the warmth across your skin. The feel that someone is going to be happier because of you today. Those are the ones who will make it to the land of paradise after this life. Those are the ones who in the deep dark slumber after your heart stops beating shall feel it still coursing through their being. Those are the ones who will reconstruct and recreate to make a paradise. To make it to our makers palace and take our place beside him. For he made us to eventually end up like that, he just had to weed out the weak ones. However it is hard to be strong in a world where everything we do just breaks us down. The future is grim and the evil force dragging us down just keeps building up the ticket, there are wars coming in the future and whatever this big scary force is that has been driving our heads down in the dirt has us right where he wants us when shit hits the fan. It has us hating ourselves and has us not caring about life in general. Life with other creatures or beings or ourselves. We are all a bunch of soulless people who embraced our vanity and ended up with nothing. We want to die and the force that will bring everything to it’s knees will have no problems taking our lives and destroying our souls. I don’t want to say it is satan but it is some sort of evil at work. Something not right, whether it be a secret world order or something supernatural, it is there and it wants to see us burn everything down. I fear there is too much gas to stop it…

 
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Posted by on March 23, 2013 in Chubbz's Brain

 

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The beginning of a collapse/A hermit’s tale.

Living under a rock has certain redeeming qualities. For one you don’t know what trends are hip and you don’t really give a shit about all that is material. More focused on that which plagues every human brain. How do you find happiness? Where is the light in this God forsaken land? What, at the end of the day, keeps me alive? What is the purpose? What is the answer? Now I’m not arrogant to believe that there is just one answer but I lived the majority of my life in a disassociate state of loneliness, forever thinking that this mind has been plagued far too much. Too diseased to survive in regular life. Forever buried my being in a hole, forcing it into the darkness so that I might survive. Later I would realize that I was the sane one, the rest of the world had gone mad. Forever a hermit, heavily medicated. Been through more surgeries than Michael Jackson. Still I came out on top. It seems like a lifetime ago to think about all of this. It seems like a bad dream that just won’t go away, a blank spot in the memory where no emotion exists. I can’t believe it’s only been 3 years since I came out of my pitiful existence thus far. Pretty sure it was 3 years ago that we moved from the town of which I used to call home. Towards the end it was less of a home and more of a place of negative memories. 3 years ago, my older sister helped pull me out of the cave I had spent in since birth. She saved me from a fate worse than just the town, but she saved me from myself. Ever since I was a child I remember I was always a loner. I was lonely and never bothered to talk to people. Talking to new people seemed more of a chore than something pleasant. Later on I realized it was not a chore but a gift, however faith in that has all but diminished in my present state of mind. At the time of being a child there was a lot of turbulence and left many scars in the mind. The only light in the darkness was my older brother, the only one I even bothered to keep company with. My older brother practically raised me with truth while my parents tried to suffocate me with lies. Keep me sheltered from all the bad and all that which should be instilled in me. The only thing they instilled in me are values and a respect for everything that bears human life. I do not know the ways of the opposite sex. I do not know what lies behind a lot of curtains. I have been left alone to pull back the curtains to expose all of that which I did not learn while being a child. Playing with fire just seeing how close I can get to the flame before I get engulfed. Never really focused much on my own reflection, never really worried about it. A rag tag kid with a bad sense of style who has turned into a man of which will never have an image of self reflection. The only thing I focused on was my own head, and that made me go a little insane. So after walking out of the past with my shoulders held high my being was still a shattered wreck of a normal human being. I had survived, a child who had never seen the sun walked out of his cave as a man. What nobody told the hermit of this story is that as he was in a state of never moving the world kept spinning. Soon the town didn’t look like the town he used to walk through as a child, soon the houses that were familiar turned into wreckage to make way for something new. Nothing looked as it was. People had devolved to a state of subhumans almost. Girls were raised to always hook onto someone else. They were raised to be whores. Attach to that of which you find happiness in, however nobody ever told this new generation that they must first love that which was within. See in the history of society why has this generation been the worst generation ever? Could it be that since we were children we have been fed lies and were told that they were truth? So that when the truth comes a long we don’t know what it is? We don’t know our own lies, we only know trends. Voting is a new trend, apparently it has become all the rage since I had exited my cave. It had become a sport of rockstars, not politicians, who are fueled by big company cash to be president. Fucking pathetic. On top of all that, all the “Ladies” had died and replaced their daughters with whores. “Don’t accept who you are, why even bother when you can seek acceptance from others?” Rule number one people, self acceptance is number one priority. Once this has happened you can truly be free. Your past is simply that, nothing could change who you are from the past. It was who you WERE not who you ARE, and who you are is simply an extension of how you think, which is a reflection of your childhood. A vicious cycle of which this new generation find themselves stuck in. They cannot let go that which has happened cause it makes them think one way or another. They cannot fight this feeling they get when they try to break out, a feeling of panic almost. They just bury their heads in medication and hope it copes. But it won’t, it never heals, it only opens it worse, makes your heart more fragile til you cannot even bandage yourself. Society had inherited all the worse traits of human kind’s past. All men have no respect for life, not even respect for themselves. A state of self loathing cause nobody tells kids they have to love themselves. Just go to facebook and have a million people validate your bullshit so you can feel acceptance. It’s easier, that is why everyone is broken. That is why nobody bothers to fix themselves. Something’s gonna break, something’s gotta give way for something new. A hermit who had no idea this had been happening came out into the world expecting it to be like when he was a child. Never realizing til it was too late. I’m sorry to those who I could have helped. I apologize to all of those fate had tried to make me help. I’m sorry that you had delved deep into the abyss and now you cannot be saved. A million times I apologize. An intriguing creature, here I stand. Separate from the rest and forever alone. I shall see those of you who chose to move on, on the other side. Maybe on the other side of the mirror the creator shall reveal to you how this hermit sees. For I have lost many memories and done many ill willed deeds. I have been to the highest state of spirituality on the other side and have been in the depths of hell and I will tell you this. My eyes are too weary and my words too jaded. Nothing matters except what you will do when the Creator calls you home. Will you reject his call? Or shall you find the happiness inside of you to move on? Experience life, experience happiness, experience pain, experience hate. Nothing can harm your own salvation in this life except that which is truly evil. So what is the big deal? Love who you are and enjoy what you do, cause if you do not, you might resist the Creator’s call. Save yourself people, of this I bear my soul to you. Save yourself, don’t worry about everyone else. Worry about your own self happiness. Please, this I beg of you.
Sincerely,

A hermit who figured out society’s bullshit.

 

 
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Posted by on March 12, 2013 in Chubbz's Brain

 

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Madness

So something occurred to me. Why is mankind so easy to lead? For the love of christ people. I mean honestly. Furthermore it’s not even backed up by a plausible reason. It took mankind to go so fucking far outlandish with their tales to say, “Ok, that’s why we follow a man with a holy book.” I’m not saying that religion is the only thing ridiculous that people find themselves following off blind and shear faith. Other people are often perpetuating other kinds of madness and in this world of drama suckers and people who make up an identity cause finding yourself is just “too hard” or some such bullshit. Not only has this been going on for decades but it has never been worse than of recent times. Maybe that’s what the fucking Mayan calender predicted, the fall of mankind. Who the fuck has time for 46&2 lets all just devolve into a stupid state of human beings hooked on their technology. Let’s all tweet random phrases instead of having a family dinner, we are raising kids to know and love technology and that’s pretty much it. You don’t need to love yourself, you got millions of friends on facefuck and blabber or whatever the fuck is next as a social network. Now I’m not saying facebook doesn’t have its uses but come on people. Nobody gives two shits what you ate this morning, or how good your work out went, or what other dribble you can manage to drizzle from your empty skulls to just perpetuate the same fucking madness. STOP FUCKING PERPETUATING THE MADNESS ASSHOLES! Now Internet can be very useful. For example, if you have loved ones, people you have actually spent physical time with, and it has come time for your lives to split and go their own way. Yes, this is why technology, I believe, is around. We created enough stuff to still make appearances and keep in touch with people across endless expanses. Blogs are created for people to have a voice. To freely speak their minds in an environment filled with the world. Literally the world. People from all over the world look to the internet for information for anything and everything. I have a facebook and a blog. The facebook mainly to keep up with family and blog mainly to ramble and get random thoughts out and about. I’m curious to see how many people feel like me about this stuff. Mankind has always been easy to lead. Always easy to enslave. Even easy to be brainwashed into thinking it isn’t slavery. Tricked and deceived into believing they chose the enslavement. Chose to do the things they do when all they are doing is perpetuating madness. It has been a growing trait amongst the generations of youth. I blame our elders. Our ancestors lived a life of lies and lived in a time of shoving shit under rugs growing nothing but broken generations of people who are accounted as adults but can’t even raise mentally healthy children of their own. Generations have been neglected, shoved down, pushed around, enslaved by the madnesses and then we just sort of grow into it. Never aware of the other side of what could have been. Well I don’t want to be enslaved, I don’t want to perpetuate the madness. I want to be one of the ones who break free. I soon shall break away from it all and sleep underneath the sun. Before I sleep though there shall be a thundering quake. A noise that will not be understood, a noise that will not be welcomed. A sound that will either save us or kill us all. However the more I see how they have been enslaved I fear the latter will happen first. All because somewhere along the way we became narcissistic assholes who show a complete disregard for that which should be valued above all else. Life. We are in it. We are apart of it constantly flowing and swaying with it. SO JUST DROP IT AND LEAVE IT ALONE! Is nothing sacred anymore? Has no one gathered common sense? Has the world really become so blind they cannot see where we went wrong? I mean, really? Life, from the beginning of time, from when we evolved into beings of such a higher supremacy and what? You want to fucking tweet? What the fuck asshole?! We are becoming so technologically advanced we have found planets that match the same atmosphere, gravity and oxygen as earth and you want to cut yourself cause some insignificant little cunt boy named Beiber smoked a little bit of Mary Jane? I don’t know whether to laugh or fucking sob. Who the fuck…..no let me stop myself there. Marijuana…is illegal…and it’s a plant…that never has killed anyone…in it’s history. However Alcohol, it kills people from it’s withdrawls. Yeah it’s addictive, it will slowly cut your brain from oxygen suffocating your brain. It also turns people into drunken raging assholes who got a rough deal from life. However a plant, that has been scientifically proven to help relieve stress, depression, help relieve pain from CANCER. One of the most PAINFUL diseases EVER. Help people come to find themselves, and you stupid little cunts think cutting yourself over Marijuana is cool? When the fuck did we become this? I thought we emerged from the Hippie era. When weed was just weed. It got you high, hell I guarantee 80% of parents who are against Marijuana smoked it in high school. Again just perpetuating more fucking madness. Like come on people. This is the year 2013. We went through the 60’s-70’s and it’s still not fucking legalized? That’s the REAL fucking reefer madness right there. Genesis 1:29 “Then God said ‘I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth.” Even though I believe the Bible is bullshit I agree, I believe God gave us every seed bearing plant on the face of the earth of which I list Marijuana amongst the highest. I mean it’s like it was created with us in mind. It alleviates the stress and bullshit of everyday life, of which is where a lot of problems lie in society. It opens the mind and helps us perceive things differently. It’s both an upper and a downer, without mankind tampering with chemicals. It can be eaten and it can be used for many different ways rather than being smoked.  But yeah, go ahead, kill yourselves because your false golden idol smoked a little hasheesh. Fucking idiots. Jesus. But do I blame them. Yeah sure, but I put more blame on the parents. Only in a world of negligent parents and such a high demand to live through an ethernet cable do we create a generation of kids who just feel bad all the time. They feel like they aren’t loved and they feel like they don’t have to love themselves. That’s why women are whores now. Cause they all believe they can just open their legs and have no self respect or love for themselves and as long as there’s that one guy who spends that night with them they will feel ok for the night. Now I’m not saying it’s all put on the ladies cause guys are just as fucked. We are taught that love doesn’t exist anymore so fuck what you can and get out while you’re alive. Then men and women get caught in the circle of karmatic fucking. Women sleep with sleazy ass guys who won’t call them in the morning and leaving the women feeling cheap and used, which by this point they tie in with sex which is why sex is given so freely. Nobody is their own friend anymore. Nobody takes the time to say “Hey, you know what self, I like you. Maybe I’ll keep you around. You are my best friend.” Nobody takes the time to appreciate themselves, they all have a low self image. Well once again STOP PERPETUATING THE MADNESS! You will find the madness everywhere. Fight it. Stop tweeting random bullshit. Take time to meet someone new today. Take the time too look in a mirror and thank God you are you. Thank God that you have yourself and appreciate yourself. Take the time to physically talk to someone. Don’t text everyone everywhere. Next time you want to converse, call whomever you want to talk to. Wake up. Eve was not created from Adam’s rib. A snake didn’t talk. Facebook is not a proper place for whining and pity parties. Youtube is not a debate website. Beiber smoked weed. Maybe you should? Maybe it would help you open up your eyes a little bit and quit focusing on what they told you to perpetuate. Maybe it’s time for the madness to fuck off and for sanity to reign. Please. For the love of GOD! Stop perpetuating the madness.

 

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