RSS

Tag Archives: faith

Old Habits

               It creeps inside like a trapped between lie, flexing and brushing as it worms it’s way through. Best defense cast aside and the child is shaking outside in the dark. Tears fall from his eyes as they stare through the wheat stalks, hidden by the innocence of youth behind the negligence of dreams and naive ideas. Staring up and out into the vast unknown, wondering on what wonderful things might be hidden in the countless twinkling lights. The night deepens and the dark becomes threatening. What unknown terrors await to trap and ensnare the unsure and unstable? Shadows flit and fly as his eyes continue their watery dance, all while the stars beckon and the moon forgives.

               His smile is represented in stone. It’s a tricky thing to talk about and even harder to think, when I see his eyes open in terror and then close against the fight. I feel the curse tightening daily and wonder at the theme. Benevolent creator save me from the knowledge of the end, I’m threatened by it daily and fear it always. Like a candle lit in youth and expected to last. Like a kiss from your soul that never lasted long enough. As the wax turns to air and the soul flees from thy side, so shall your smile too one day be represented in stone.

               Life flee me fast. Leave me dazed and completely unaware. Trace me from existence as a dying star. And love me all the more once I’ve gone.

Advertisements
 
Leave a comment

Posted by on February 17, 2016 in Paradise Drift

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Reason

               And so it begins, social phobia settin’ in, and it’s like I can feel all of their eyes crawlin’ across my skin. And I know that they’re wonderin’… because they’re always wonderin’.
               I stretch the limit past the reason, peeling open my skull and searching every fuckin’ season, because I must find the source of this open pourin’ lesion. Gotta stop the bleedin’… gotta find the reason.
               A shadow cast against every happy memory, the darkness in the back over every face I see, because I know that they’re dead, just as dead as fuckin’ me. How much farther can it be… and how much more must I bleed?
               Then I found my smile cause I smoked an ounce, saw death in my dreams just waitin’ to pounce, but it was written in words I couldn’t properly pronounce, because the reaper told a secret I just couldn’t announce.
               Like dreams of stone drawn upon the sand, or a dreaming woman lost inside a man, or the stretched out palm of his sweaty hand, or like a broken prospector mining goldless land. What happened to the plan, did it die with the lamb, what happened to the plan? Please God, save this man.
              

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on April 1, 2015 in Paradise Drift

 

Tags: , , , ,

No Matter

               Tendons and wires composed of broken inhibitions, struggle to hold the head aloft. The stomach threatens rebellion as will alone keeps the stomach spasms from inciting the riot. The pain has become as familiar as that little voice that never learned to leave. Whispers of frail mortal mockery leave a festering sting that only deepens as the coffin closes on yet another precious life. It breaks like waves upon a stubborn rock wall, patiently waiting for the stone to weaken, crack and break. Liquid flows like death across the path ahead, all the while the shores behind grow pale and dark in their passing. It’s something inescapable. It’s something that hides behind smiling eyes and molten anger. A measure of intelligence and understanding. Fade from memory much like the calloused hands behind monolithic stone. Immortality only gained as a questionable guess.

               Imagine a guess extended the length of time. Imperfections and insecurities stripped bare like meat from bone. A floating intuition left burning in the darkened sky, casting hope to weary hearts and tear burned eyes. Felt like a secondary heart beat that flees through the eyes once it’s companion falls. It’s something hidden there. Just behind the eyes. Imagine a guess extended beyond eternity.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on February 14, 2015 in Paradise Drift

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Burning

Give me but a moment,  I beg, to collect these thoughts that much like incessant insects, buzz around my head so quickly that they make me spin. See I stared at a western horizon that was so black that the very hope was choked in my throat before a word could even be uttered up in prayer. I saw the world turn white at the darkest point and watched the world painted in cold. The red hill to the south was finally smothered in white as I fell backward through a warm moment and found a sick betrayal of momentum. I tried to stop the backward spin through the chaotic white hills that orchestrated the spin at the end of all time. The ashes splinter into a fractured sense of seduction, as the addiction turned pale and bled out all over the knights of perdition.

There they go again. Little bastards are constantly running away from me. It’s like a crackhead on a bender with two overworked cops thrown in a blender. See because they saw me, they assumed I was found. The blue stretches on forever, stretched thin over iced oceans and snow blasted desolation. I clutched so hard and still it seemed to slip my hands. I’m so very scared. I’ve seen the monster that lies at the far edge of the night. I was hoping for a dream that was worth fighting for. Hoping on a dream.

I would scream if I only had a voice worth hearing. I would tear the sheet that separates me from what I’ve done and who I’ve been. I would rip the flesh from the former to recreate the latter. I would spit back the pill and remember that the hole can never be fed with chemical satisfaction. I would prevent the constant spin that split the seems and left my childhood buried in black tar heroin. I would flee from the cold pale eyes that haunt the very air I breathe. The dodged bullet wasn’t worth the price paid in blood and life. The trip should have ended and the smile should still have been able to shine. Let them go. Please just let me let them go.

image

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on January 4, 2015 in Paradise Drift

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

Passing Grace

image

Dreaming the day away with a sad sort of smile plastered against his face. He stares blankly out the window as drool forms in the corners of his mouth. The nurse is kind as she makes the rounds and dabs the spittle from his face. He offers her a barely audible sigh as a show of thanks, she gently squeezes his small shoulder before walking away. Then he’s back into that sacred home he has carved out in the corner of his mind, a haven from it all.

He is running. Moving with the speed of an Olympic gold medalist. He doesn’t remember when he started or exactly why he began to run. He just knows that he will never stop. He takes a deep breath and leaps thirty feet into the air and lands softly and nimbly. He breathes deeper the next jump, and he is floating softly all the way down to the earth below. The next time he leaps he doesn’t come down at all, instead he is soaring through white cotton candy clouds. He looks below and watches the earth get further, and further away.

A cry splits the sky and sends him crashing violently back onto the earth. Blood rolls from his eyes like tears and it stings like apathy. He can make out the faces of the people hidden behind the blood, and the crimson tears increase as a result. They were all taken before their own flight through a warm summers evening, through the ruthless autumn, and into a proper winters bed. Gone like the white cotton candy clouds and brightening night sky.

It was cold that day the concrete proved stronger than her fist, and his apathy was cured by the violent response. Pride dropped low and doors swung open. Its an instance that occurs in an instant, and is nearly impossible to find, let alone describe. It’s like a cool breeze on a warm summer afternoon. It’s much like a drive through red and orange mountains in the crisp autumn air. It’s almost exactly like curling up under a heavy blanket on a biting winter night. It’s almost just like… letting go of everything… and becoming weightless.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on November 9, 2014 in Paradise Drift

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Corrupt Confinement

Blood. It is an imprint of everything biological in me. As unique as each individual snowflake that falls like regret from the glowing night sky. It holds all of me in the single drop that rolls off of my finger and stains the white world below me. Thoughts are tossed out into the flurry and are smothered by the oppressive cold before they even have the chance to fully form. I hate this part of the evening as the vomit splashes into the small dot of red drowning the beautiful evening in my sickness. It continues long after the last drop of liquid has been expelled from my stomach. What was it all worth? What was I ever really worth?

I know I will never see the answers so long as I’m still oxygen reliant and that fact frightens the hell out of me. The unknown darkness that hovers just over the horizon frightens the absolute hell out of me. It’s the ultimate spoiler alert. It’s the fruit that was forbidden and in consumption has obliterated the innocence of countless of tiny lives. The grains of sand roll out of my hand and crash back into the beach, only to be washed down and away by the inevitable tide. I see a man hunting to provide nourishment for his family. I see a woman tenderly picking up a fallen child and teaching him to stand once again. I see the hourglass drain the last bit of its sand as all of them turn to ash, and are blown away by a swift eastern wind.

If I could halt the unrelenting flow of time, I would hold it captive until its creator came back once again to claim it. I would paint the sun blue and dye the moon red. I would grip the lecherous monsters and chain them in cast iron cuffs, to be tossed into the deepest parts of the oceans. I would bathe the world in harmony and separate them from the vengeance burning inexplicably in all of our hearts. Instead, I will turn to ash and I will be blown away.

image

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on October 26, 2014 in Paradise Drift

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Hand in Sand

Inevitability shall run its course and the courier shall bleed out and turn to dust. Eternity is vast and complicated by human hubris and bloodshot pride. The bullet resting in the chamber is getting more than bored as the sun sets on another dysfunctional day. The bird struck the mouse and no one will ever know his name, no one will ever really care that there is no name. God it’s so damn feeble and fleeting, much like a star shooting its way across an open night sky, burning so bright, only to fade away.

Calm yourself… breathe deep and feel the air…  focus on the rush of the blood… bathe in the rush of life.

I would be here if I wasn’t there and I may possibly not push at all, if all you ever did was pull. Because the middle ran dry and was laid bare before the desert sun. The wind and sand wore the smiling thing down into unrecognizable stone and bone. A single petal from the first bloom could have saved the mind.  It would have saved the mind. It should have saved the mind.

So fight the burning hole pulling you beyond current vision. Understand that you will never understand and continue to blindly hate. I was what they made and nothing in between. So I stand apart from you because you can’t handle the reaper hanging around my head. It’s written plainly in my seemingly “passionate” eyes. A mystery wrapped in black and accompanied with crimson subtitles. You will never know for you shall never see… this vast black hole… that has swallowed the core in me.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on August 30, 2014 in Burned.

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,