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Fading Out

Small compromises are made
Till the heart, it slowly begins to fade
Staring with dark intent at my own reflection
Burn, just another scar to add to this collection
I never wanted to be this
A broken shell among the wreckage, shit and piss
Laying
Staring
Uncaring
Wondering
When will this end
When will you fade my friend
Given up on trust
Given into lust
I remember having stars in my eyes
Before the world took them with its lies
So lost now
Not even knowing how
To make it from this dark maze
Tick tock goes the clock and steals the days
Hourglass running out of sand
Time waits for no man
I stand
But get knocked down again right away
Reverberating in my head everything you used to say
Echoes from the past attack and last
Then when comfort comes they wither away so fast
I don’t want to be here
Consumed by doubt and fear
Holding my head as I scream
Wishing this were the dream
And what I see at night reality
As you open yourself to me
I see
Heaven laid bare
I want to go there
But do I dare
I want to believe in you
But still here I lay, black and blue
Waiting for fate to swing around and remember
That it left me behind that cold December
My world covered in white
Full of wrongs that feel so right
You left me behind
And alone I cannot find
The direction to take
Every decision I make
I find is wrong
You would think by now I would be strong
Enough to take all of this pain
But I am weakened now because of the rain
That falls with ferocious hate
Right on my head saying its too late
You can never return there
The innocent child you destroyed without a care
He is buried inside your shell
His soul resides within a private hell
YOU MURDERER
You destroyer of dreams
When will you see this darkness is not what it seems
Open up let it flow through you
Give in and give the devil his due
Let him take your pain away
Listen intently to every word he has to say
Smile
Laugh
Cry
Die
Such a simple plan
Such a foolish man
To think you can fight the tide
Just lean back, enjoy the ride
The pain and all the sorrow
Learn to love it, more will arrive tomorrow
Close your eyes and return to your sacred place
Where you keep the memory of her face
Let her light wash over you
Remember the moments spent together, far to few
Let the beat of your heart guide you down
Till it is no more and your body rots in the ground
Lead me away from this place
Allow me a moment of your grace
And just like light fades away
So I shall too at the end of the day
Meet me in the light of the moon I cry
And there we will lay entangled and watch the world die
Jake Sellers 12
 
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Posted by on June 11, 2012 in Poems

 

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Foolish Drunkard

My memories, they fall away
Just like the ashes of my cigarette
I try to remember a time
When this guilt didn’t chain me down
I lay shackled, broken, forgotten
What happened to all your promises
What happened to salvation
Why do I still feel unanswered
Why
I just long to be free
Such a foolish notion
Nothing is free
If need be
I shall bleed
Take my life’s red
If it means they can all breathe free
I’m done fighting for smiles
I’m done fighting with pain
I just want someone to see
Even if they did
I still lose
I don’t really want them to see
Please don’t look
Bow my head
Keep my eyes on the ground
Right where they belong
Suffer my friend
In the end learn to love pain
That shall be your only constant
Everything else will fade
Beliefs
Faith
Love
It all fades
It is all a broken ideal
Consume
Faster
Make it disappear
Before it can take hold
Broken words
From a beyond broken man
There is no repairing
Shattered
Like a glass window
Guilt shall spill over
Let it come
I don’t deserve this air
I don’t deserve anything
You should be here
As well as you
If “God” had a bone to pick
He should have taken it up with me
Not any of you
You deserved better
Tell me there is a reason
LIE
I know it
Chaos wins the day again
Let there not be a God
For if there is I have something for my creator
It starts with an F and ends with an O
If you threw us here
In this time
In this place
Well then
Benevolent creator
Arrogant creature
You have failed
Cause a test failed
Is worth a hundred passed
When the answers are debatable
And you never gave anything
But debate
Death
In
Your
Name
War
In
Your
Name
Peace
In
Your
Name
Well won
You stack the deck
But still
Well won
Take me I beg
This air in my lungs
It has grown as stale
As your words
Jake Sellers 12
 
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Posted by on June 10, 2012 in Poems

 

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The End

Walking through this garden
Which only bears bitter fruit
Feet so calloused
Throat so parched
I struggle to find this
Simple little answer
With vast complications
I’ve walked amongst the thorns
I’ve clawed my way through
Bleeding and guilty I made it out alive
I have soared the cosmos
I have witnessed the stars collide
I have stood on the surface of the moon
And have wept at what I have seen down below
I have swam the energetic river that flows beneath my weary feet
I have become one with you
I have seen you become one with me
I have flowed on and on
I have felt the darkness that threatens
I have felt the true evil
I have known its touch
Have known its tender embrace
Have seen its vicious underbelly
We wage a war constant within
More and more have given in
Some have made it through
Though they are covered in scars they still see
They know not many have the strength to resist
They know the opposition is relentless in its assault
Brutal
UNFORGIVING
It attacks are subtle in nature
So you are unaware you are being killed till the light flees your eyes
I have seen light fade
I have seen darkness win
I have seen the end
I have flown through the infinite darkness
Have found not a single thing there
Just flowing waves
That are endless
That are harmonic
That send heat through
Sweet numbing heat
Allow them to envelope you I beg
Give in men
Let the waves take you
Let the waves heal you
Let them soothe your wary muscles
Let them soothe your swelling pride
Give in women
Let the waves take you
Let the waves heal you
Let them soothe your wary muscles
Let them soothe your swelling pride
The enemy is cunning
The enemy is intelligent
He will take from you everything
And leave you bleeding out with nothing
You’ll picture the end with an odd sense of comfort
Think it is a must
So you may walk eternal
The infinite
The enemy is cunning
He has made you believe this lie
Don’t listen to him
Trust your mind
Trust your head
Trust yourself
I beg
Before we burn
Above and below
Heaven and Hell set ablaze
Your sanctimony the gasoline
Your avarice the match
BURN BABY BURN
Turn to ash
Blown away
Just like your consciousness
Your self
YOU
Blown away
By our crimes we found ourselves guilty
Now
Nothing
Jake Sellers 12
 
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Posted by on June 7, 2012 in Poems

 

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Spiritual Suicide

I walk these empty streets
While the city, she sleeps
No solace I find in the solitary darkness
Just hollow eyes watching my slow descent into madness
From the shadows they peer
They can see it in my eyes, the end is near
They hungrily await to attack
Ready to rush from the back
The second the last bit of hope in me
Dies then they know, they will feast beautifully
On the last shreds of humanity remaining
Shattering the cage that has thus far been containing
The darkest part of my sight
Shall rip free and further darken the night
And in the wake of this tidal wave
Of darkness flow from grave
I will finally find peace
For no longer shall I clutch this broken, missing puzzle piece
Desperately struggling to drive it in
This shattered, wasted picture of sin
TIME AND TIME AGAIN
Desperately seeking, somewhere it will fit
Tearing always into this precious writ
That swears it holds the key
To filling this massive hole within me
Making me feel whole
Dragging me in deeper with its pull
Till my lungs, they hurt for air
And almost every part of my body doesn’t seem to care
Then cast am I back into the blinding shade
Clutching this Goddamned puzzle piece, that shimmers and fades
Away but always returns
Leaving all new, beautiful burns
That hurt so logical and plain
And leave me drunk from the pain
I don’t want it anymore
This hollow, empty feeling at my core
This constant emptiness
Always punctuated with my loneliness
Sadness
Burden me no longer I pray
ATTACK SHADOWS, TAKE THIS PIECE AWAY
God how I truly await that day
Jake Sellers 12

 
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Posted by on June 4, 2012 in Poems

 

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Walking Poetry

Darkness permeates the very air I breathe
The only thought clear enough for focus is you
It has been you since I was first blinded
Blinded by that truth hidden behind blue eyes
Buried deep yet still visible to one with eyes
To see what lies beneath pain and judgement
Fuck my eyes
Fuck my lies
Telling myself things are different
Foolish tool
Romantic fool
Thinking anything true could possibly look so good
Lying idiot
Flabbergasted faggot
Retreat to the dead spot again
Darkness my old friend
Knew you would welcome me with open arms
In the end
Jake Sellers 12
 
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Posted by on June 2, 2012 in Poems

 

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Death to Sugar

Alright so we need to kill this menace. This dog is the most retarded dog in history. It’s a full bred Pomeranian and it is the very definition of neurotic. This dog is so connected to my sister it will follow her to the depths of hell and back all the while giving that blank stare that it always gives. This dog also gets depressed. Whenever my sister leaves the house or just leaves the dog alone it will literally act all sad and just go lie down in my sister’s room til she gets back. This one time my sister went to Hawaii and the dog literally would not eat, shit, or drink water. We had to give her children suppository just so it wouldn’t die from not taking a shit. This dog will bark at anything for no reason, and believe me the bark is a lot louder than you would think for a little dog. It’s not only just loud but it’s so high pitched and just so bad it gives you a headache, it could wake you out of a coma. There has been multiple times this dog has woke me up and on multiple occasions have I punished this dog for barking all the time and she never learns her lesson. Anyways I just wanted to blog about this especially catching a video of this dog. She has this thing where she knows she’s so small and when she tries to jump up on things she like gives up mid jump almost as if half way she just thought “Oh damn I can’t to it.” She does this constantly all the time when jumping up on couches or beds and such. Well hope I made ya laugh and if not laugh at least smile as you watched this ridiculous dog hop repeatedly while trying to get on the couch.

 
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Posted by on May 29, 2012 in Burned., Chubbz's Brain

 

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Shutter the Window

Free thought flow from the brain
Falling pitter, patter, just like rain
Making such a beautiful sound
As each singing raindrop strikes the ground
And just like a swift flowing river there is no control
Just give in, the rhythm, it will fill your soul
Your soul shall feel it and together they join
Why leave such a beautiful thing to the flip of a coin
Measure out your reasons, if you will
Ignoring your heart and your body, telling you its real
Let the past die
Let the guilt lie
Forget everything you thought you knew
And give in to this precious moment shared by few
Spiritual
Physical
I love this, as vulnerability, it consumes me
Never did I ever think to see
Something as beautiful as this place
This holy light radiating from your face
No perfect way to describe, nor explain
The moment in which your eyes are free of pain
I fall away into the dark
Drifting far, your light becoming no more than a spark
Darkness overwhelms and consumes
Just an inch behind me death looms
Not understanding this place much anymore
Questioning everything I have lived for
Questioning motives of the unseen
Question what will come of me, when I sleep beneath green
Will they remember me fondly when from this earth I’ve gone
Will she think of me with the coming of every dawn
Will flowers litter my stone
As I burn below alone
Lost in this dark empty space
With just a hint of a memory of your face
Drifting always reaching
For you till the darkness has finished its leaching
Of all the light in my body and mind
The shell shall keep moving though the soul is miles behind
Forever locked in a memory
Of the beauty
That was you and me
Jake Sellers 12
 
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Posted by on May 29, 2012 in Poems

 

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